Terrible Panic Attack Yesterday

It happened in the shower. The focus was all of the things I did not accomplish over the weekend, specifically the past 4 years of taxes. I have not filed. It causes me to get tense and freeze up, like a feeling of shock plus terrible butterflies, like when going to the dentist or getting bad news from the doctor, at the very thought of the IRS, my tax person (any person but this specific one has stresses of his own) and all of that shit.

I have a small business on the side and its not hard to keep track of records, it is just hard to deal with anything involving finance or numbers, I have an emotional freeze up, and it's like not going near open flame or something, I am so good at avoiding them.

I pay my bills on time and everything, I have had a $10,000 debt with the IRS that I have paid off from not filing years and years ago, and I had been keeping up every year but something happend 3 or 4 years ago that caused me to procrastinate and not deal with it.

Anyhow, my point was yesterday, having a panic attack and calling in sick (I really did throw up the night before and was nauseous too had a may have had a low grade fever) ...
Often I can't tell if I'm really sick or not because the panic and how I feel is so overlapped, I mean the physical and emotional/mental are intertwined.....

I thought hard and long about NOT stopping the Wellbutrin, buperorion, or however you spell it, I am taking a nibble off of the pill, the 300 MG XL a day , like Alice in Wonderland (obviously these drugs suffer from these types of MYTHS, but I couldn't help the analogy) taking around a quarter of the pill a day. I am feeling worse, more fragile, more anxious and paniced, but not knowing if I should blame Wellbutrin withdrawl or just the time of year.....

I have a slight headache more often than not, naggy..... I feel bad for missing work... I lost money, I didn't get paid yesterday and have missed a lot at that specific job......

I'm ANGSTING
that's why I wrote this page......